I'll be honest.....

I am exhausted tonight but I can't get to sleep!  I had great intentions of getting to be early tonight since we have to be at the hospital tomorrow morning at 6:15 AM!  Sleep is not coming easy.

I am still in AWE of how Kira has been handling all of this.  No tears.  No screaming and wailing.  AMAZING is the word that comes to mind.  I never, ever could have imagined that this is how telling her about this surgery would go.  Believe me, I am ready for tears tomorrow but then again, I've been ready for tears since we told her on Thursday.  

She's been asking more questions so it's clear that she's working on processing anything.  With every other surgery/medical procedure/test that she's been through, I've KNOWN that once we got to the hospital she could fall apart...even on the way.  I have no idea what to expect this time around.  I'm just going with prepare for the worst and maybe, just maybe, be surprised.

A lot of people have been asking how I am feeling about all of this.  Like any parent, I wish with all my heart that this wasn't something Kira had to go through.  I wish it was something that Jason and I didn't have to go through with her.

I'm not "scared" of the surgery.  Kira's been through a lot and has always done fine with the everything involved with a surgery....I have no reason to believe that this time won't be any different.

The recovery process...that's a whole other story.  And a whole range of emotions for me.  The biggest question that I keep asking myself and even saying out loud at times is this....

"How in the world are we going to do this??"

When we say that Kira will be in full leg casts for 6-7 weeks and during that time she cannot do ANY WEIGHT BEARING...that freaks me out.  She is going to be 100% dependent on us.......if she wants a book that is out of her reach, if she wants her water bottle, if she wants a different stuffed animal, if she needs to go to the bathroom.......EVERYTHING.  Not to mention, 2 other kids who need and will likely demand our attention a little more than normal through all this.

 Beyond that 12 weeks of casts........the unknown of "what" will it all be like when it's "done?"  I know that it's not going to be a case of "the casts are off and she's going to take off walking down the hall."  But what WILL it be?  How much extra therapy?  How long will it take for her to get her strength back?  And the biggest question...will we get the results that we are soooo hoping and praying for?

So I'll be honest, when people ask me how I am feeling about all of this...it's a really hard question to answer and the answer can change quickly depending on where my mind "is" at the moment.

I will update tomorrow via Facebook during the day as we get updates....and hope to do a post tomorrow night but obviously it will all depend on how Miss Kira is doing.