So, do you want to know the truth? I'm really ticked off lately. I'm really overwhelmed lately. And I'm really, really tired. There. I said it.
When we had Kira and we going through everything we went through with her, I can't count the times that doctors said all of her "issues" where "luck of the draw" and there was really no reason to think that future children would have any of the same issues. Things kept "happening" to Kira and I can't really wrap my mind around it all even 6 years later. It breaks my heart that she deals with anxiety but thanks to todays technology, we have medications that help her. And on some days, you almost wouldn't know that anxiety was an issue. But then there are mornings like this morning where it all gets thrown right back in your face. Kira is Kira...I love her dearly.
Then we had Dylan.....and they were kinda right. Short stay in special care...longer than the drs thought but no real issues...just needed to rest. He had low muscle tone and was considered "delayed" but by the time he was about 18 months, even his therapists weren't convinced that they needed to see him any more. And by 2 years old, he was done with therapy altogether. Now at 3 1/2 years old, we're venturing back into the therapy world with him and I'm a little ticked about it. Not ticked at Dylan...ticked at the situation. Ticked that most likely I'm going to have to fit more therapy in our schedule. Ticked that some things aren't coming easy for him. And trying to fight the thoughts of "what if?" What if there is something more going on with him? What if there is something bigger than just a delay here or there? It's really hard to keep those thoughts out of my head right now.
And Eva sweet Eva....do you know how many tears I have cried in the last month with you turning one? Not tears because you're one...believe me, I'm really feeling ready for the itty bitty baby days to be in the past but tears because you're not meeting your milestones. Not even close. Eva has been in therapy since summer and I really hoped that it was going to be another case like Dylan...give a little boost and she'll be on her way but she's not really on her way yet. I am finding myself looking at other kids who are close in age to her and fighting tears, again, just like with Kira. (It wasn't so much with Dylan because he was close....just needed a boost and I could see it.) I find myself wondering when the referrals will start to specialists. I find myself really ticked...again, not at Eva but at the situation, that on top of the whole "milestone thing" we have to deal with these darn food allergies. One break, I really just want one break.
Even with all of this, I am so thankful. I am thankful for therapists and doctors who care about my kids.....really care. I am thankful for my kids......challenges and all. I am thankful for my hubby you kicks me back to reality when I need it. I am thankful. Even on days like today when I talked to 3 therapists, 2 doctors and the insurance company on the phone and am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated....I am thankful.
A friend shared this with me...yep, it get it!
3 comments:
Just wanted to give you some love, Sweet Wonderful Mama. I so feel your being ticked, for I feel the same way. I also have three children with Special needs.
When my daughter was born, I was assured that her multiple issues were not genetic and our future children would be fine. Then my son was born and he had many problems, and again I was told, it was not inherited, and not to worry about future children. Then my youngest son was born and his issues were even more severe. Our Pediatrician told us that it was just a fluke that all three children had Neurological problems. Shriner sent us to a Geneticist for Matthew and she took a family history. Her mouth hit the floor when we told her what the Ped had said. She told us that it is not a fluke, this was a genetic disorder. We are still in the testing stage. I hope to one day have the awnser to our "fluke".
Your crazy days, sound a lot like mine. Finding the time to fit everything in is absolutely madness.
I am thankful also for all the special people that take care of our children in our lives. I just wish we did not need them or at least a little less frequent.
Praying that you catch a break soon. Big Hugs!!!
Sweet Cori, stay strong and courageous. You are amazing and so are your kids. And it's ok to be tired and to say it. We love you!
Cori, Dear, you can't know how much I admire you and Jason and how well you handle the things you do!!!! I wish we were nearer you so we could help more, but think hugs anyway. :-) LOVE
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